New Beginnings
From August Newsletter 2023
The school year is full of possibility. In the Meyers-Brigg personality test there is a question that asks if one is “quick to start, slow to finish,” which can often describe me. It is easy to plan, organizing lesson plans and materials is exciting. As I consider the potential for this year, I find that instead of writing lesson plans and getting overly-structured, I must keep at the forefront of my mind the full life that is my purpose in this education:
“Our aim in education is to give a full life. We owe it to them to initiate an immense number of interests. Life should be all living, and not merely a tedious passing of time; not all doing or all feeling or all thinking - the strain would be too great - but, all living; that is to say, we should be in touch wherever we go, whatever we hear, whatever we see, with some manner of vital interest.” – School Education p 135
This is our purpose. The possibilities are already there ready to unfold. The most important thing is that the life of the mind is being cultivated and relationships with my children are being formed as we walk on the road together. The laundry can wait, the dinner will get made, the lesson plans will be taught. However, the awareness that we can give our children by being truly present is the gift that we give both them and ourselves as we make sure that it is not just a ”tedious passing of time.”
Days of Purpose
From Newsletter June 2023
These last weeks have been ones of joy – joy in the sweet and joy in the hard. As our family balances these times of joy with previous loss and grieving with friends, we are reminded of the faithfulness of the Lord in all seasons. Those newborn days have rarely come easily in our home and it has been a gift to experience an easier baby. I recently encountered this quote from Edith Escombe of the original PNEU:
“Wherever in this human existence there are men and women there will be love, and so long as love finds expression in human passion there will be continuity of this human race, and eternal spring for ever blossoming on the old earth. And for this let us be thankful, thankful that there will always be babies to bring joy and gladness into hearts and lives that need their presence, and have made a fit welcome for their reception.”
-Edith Escombe, “Of Babies”, PR16.279
These days have been a reminder of the purpose this baby has, not just as his own person, but to bring joy to those around him and teach us. Mason herself says that the arrival of the baby teaches other children patience and grace. It reminds me of my purpose in our family’s decision that I stay home. These days are precious and on the mornings the house looks like calamity struck or we fail to be our best selves, I remember that this is habit-training and joy-filling in turn for every member of the house. It’s not a slog, but rather I am reminded to make a “fit welcome.” He knew we needed the presence of this little one and every reaction to every need is an opportunity to teach myself and the little ones around me how to respond to this gift.
Label Not the Children
From the Newsletter March 2023
Virtue is a gift. Our tendencies toward good and evil are ever with us and seem to find their second verse as our children see and do asthey observe. Mason detractors can sometimes read her writings like “children are not born bad but with possibilities for good and for evil” and become concerned that she does not believe in original sin. This is not, however, a religious statement as much as one about education and its’ power to crush or elevate a child who has natural tendencies one way or the other. One only need read Dickens to see the extreme outcomes in taking the approach of a child as wicked. Conversely, the tide had begun to turn in Mason’s day that children are born either as a blank slate or pure. Anyone in relationship with a child knows that neither extreme is true. It is the wisdom of the parent who uses “tact, watchfulness, and persistence” to train a child from infancy who supports weakness in love and encourages strength without playing on affections.
We can imagine how it may negatively impact a child to be labeled as “the difficult child,” “bad at math,” or some other negative connotation. We say this offhandedly at times and it gives the child an “out” – or rather it gives us as parents the escape. If the child is not a “sports person” then it is no one’s fault. What would happen instead if we, knowing a child is weak in an area, sought to support and strengthen his relationship with a subject or skill without the unnecessary addition of putting him in a box? I have seen relationships with subjects and parents restored by taking a different approach to helping where it is hard and encouraging when small successes are seen. Equally detrimental can be the slotting of a child into what we might deem as “good.” A child who is “SO responsible” may take this on and grieve overmuch when there is a perceived failure. One who is told she is a great artist may not seek to get better, but rest in apathy or become prideful. Instead of this language, of good/bad we can support by saying that things may be natural to a child while still maintaining a growth mindset. My own struggle in this as a parent comes often when I see my own strengths and weaknesses in my children. There is nothing quite like seeing a child’s sin, being angry, and then realizing the weakness is mine. As we come alongside our children let us remember our own Father and how He so lovingly shepherds us. He does not allow us to wallow in weakness, nor does he desire pride to grow in that which comes easily. Through our own education may we lift our children to the grace He provides.
Learning from Habit
From Newsletter of February 2023
It would stand to reason that someone trained in the Charlotte Mason for sixteen years would ranging from teacher to administrator would avoid many of the pitfalls of our modern system of “education.” However, teaching in the model is a method of growth, not a system of perfection. Comparisons surround. The panic that may ensue when a child comes home from Sunday school having been teased that he cannot read at four can lead to feelings of needing to do more. Many home educating clients with whom I have spoken express frustration at younger children being difficult to teach. Many have found a living way of education instead of feeling compelled to fit in a stifling system. In my own (limited) parenting journey it is a constant reminder to send them outside and not structure the lessons I am so excited to begin.
“The consideration of out-of-door life, in developing a method of education, comes second in order; because my object is to show that the chief function of the child–his business in the world during the first six or seven years of his life–is to find out all he can, about whatever comes under his notice, by means of his five senses; that he has an insatiable appetite for knowledge got in this way; and that, therefore, the endeavor of his parents should be to put him in the way of making acquaintance freely with Nature and natural objects; that, in fact, the intellectual education of the young child should lie in the free exercise of perceptive power, because the first stages of mental effort are marked by the extreme activity of this power; and the wisdom of the educator is to follow the lead of Nature in the evolution of the complete human being.”
Charlotte Mason, Volume 1, pp. 96-97
Not only is the interaction with nature important, but I am reminded on a regular basis of the need to attend to habits before formal studies begin at age 6. Some things we have had placed before us by mentors and other resources are
• By age 3 can he/she peacefully accept “no?”
• Is obedience completed immediately and cheerfully?
• Is the habit of reverence and relationship with God a part of our daily family conversations?
• Is all work done well the first time without prodding?
• Is a love for reading and beauty cultivated over that of twaddle?
• Do we encourage a service of others, especially family, over self?
• “What I want is not as important as what is right.”
• Can he/she attend and show mastery over body in an age-appropriate way?
My husband and I reflect on these frequently as we learn who our children are as persons. Anyone who has seen my children have a “fit of narcissism” will know that none of these is executed perfectly. However, how will we be able to open the world of beauty and learning up if we are struggling with these basic weaknesses of will alongside the academic? I have seen it in the classroom and it is not impossible, but it is challenging. How much more will these give our children life and relationships with people and ideas rather than the focus on rote memory with concepts they are not ready to understand? Commit with me to the “preschool of habits” to give our children the gift of self-mastery, not twaddle!
Children as Persons
The following is adapted from my speech at my graduation from the Master Teacher Training Program with Ambleside Schools International.
“Children are persons.” A friend of mine would say “It’s just basic Mason,” but this foundational principle has become ingrained in me through myriad aspects of life. I think about it in a way that has become a part of me and frames my interactions with my children foremost, my husband, and the persons with whom I regularly interact. I have come to realize that it’s not just a “Mason thing,” but changes my brain and my view of others in a gospel-centered way – seeing others as Christ sees them. I have been given words for things that have seemed amiss in traditional education and ways of relating with education and I am immensely grateful.
I was homeschooled for most of my own education and went to a small Christian school for college. I naturally loved learning, but now know I was also seeking affirmation for the sake of pleasing my teachers and getting the answer right. My affections had not been trained toward the beautiful for the sake of beauty, but a manipulation into being an “easy” student. I took pride in being the compliant child who did not cause issues. While it wasn’t all a wash, I do see significant motivation in my own education through the lens of Mason and my unrest is more clear after delving into her work.
After being an education major, I thought that being Christ-centered in teaching meant “Biblical Integration.” While cutting umbrellas out of paper plates for a craft for my student-teaching first graders I thought, “THIS is the reason people get burned out on teaching.” I begrudgingly continued cutting and pasting and received grades on my bulletin board ideas rolling my eyes all the while. While sitting with a sweet mother whose first grade son continually had “red lights” for his behavior, I now feel for her when she knew his deep desire to do what was right, but no support in his weakness was being offered. There was no goal set before him other than “do better”, no coming together to ally ourselves with him and them. This bothered me then, but I could not put words as to why.
When I was introduced to Mason at my first teaching job I was elated. I saw children fully engaged and in relationship with their peers and teachers. This was done without twaddle and it was a delight! As the school went more classical than CM, I kept coming back to “Is this truly treating the children as persons?” It felt increasingly like it was drifting away from Mason’s principles and I longed to be trained and know if I was on method or not. I found refuge with Ambleside Schools International where I not only found this philosophy for students, but for teachers. Others were pouring in to me to help me grow so I could in turn do the same. I went back to my previous school after I got married with the hope of infusing more CM into their model, but eventually chose to use my limited time to help others learn the model.
Mason quotes Ruskin’s experience horseback riding as formalization of a skill being the death knell to joy. As I have worked with children through tutoring and homeschool I can see where something that would have come naturally and been life-giving has ended in a relationship with that subject broken or at least deeply marred. As I have worked with students as I have been trained myself, I have become a more gentle teacher. I can not “ought” a child into a flawless narration or understanding a concept. The power is not in me to ensure a student’s perfect attending to a text, but it is indeed my responsibility to think about the child as a person and lay the feast of ideas responsibly.
The idea of children as persons makes needless the endless labels we give students and persons of all ages. If this is a model based on growing one’s weakness by intentional support, then I do not need to have letters or a name associated with a syndrome. In coming alongside a child I can see her habit of attention is weak. I can see what is needed to support the habit of attention. I can give the “I can” to the child by spreading an inspiring idea before her. Children surpass our expectations of them all the time. Why would I limit someone and rob them of personhood by a label?
Parents are frequently concerned about the academic success of preschoolers. Many ask me desperately seeking formalized schooling for little ones because they are told that this is the best thing for their child (“socialize them!”) and themselves (“get some ‘me’ time!”). If the chid’s affections are trained through relationships and attachment, who better to do this than the parents? So many mothers innately know the little souls want to stay home, but send them and try to do the hard thing for their good. Instead, they miss out on precious time of formation with their children.
While the idea of raising persons may sound similar to raising children, the approaches differ greatly. The view of the child today is not fully-formed but having the potential for greatness. Mason’s view is that the full personhood is already there and it is latent capacity, not the tablet on which still needs writing. The thing I had to realize is that I myself am in a state of growth. I have not “arrived” in my understanding, but am grateful to be on the road with others at my side and supporting one another in weakness while taking joy in one another’s journey.
Training: Method and Narration
Our community joined together last week for a training session. I am honored that these women would choose to spend a Saturday soaking in these ideas together! This serves as a way to bond over the beautiful as well as get some practical knowledge through a sample lesson and discussion of how to implement the model in their own home school.
Method
Why must the children learn at all?
What should they learn?
How should they learn it?
These are the questions that almost sound like educational-catechism and asked at the beginning of the section from Home Education read in our training session last week. They seem like simple enough questions if one’s own education is considered and it can be either repeated or remediated. However if we believe that children are persons and that learning is as important as food is for their body, some reconsidering is likely to take place.
An idea is a seed that germinates and grows. These ideas placed before the child will become something much larger. If the child does the work of learning, then true education has taken place. The reason children are stilted in their flourishing and learning becomes a drudgery is likely because mere information, with no ideas TO live has been presented.
Narration
Children narrate by nature and we so often just tease them! Children love telling about all sorts of things, so let us allow them to tell their tales naturally instead of having it be a game of “guess what the teacher is thinking.” When they are older (six and older) this “power” can be used in their education.
Narration is part of a lesson in which 1) a well-chosen text has been selected, 2)habits to be strengthened are in the heart of the teacher, 3) the lesson has been set up with a first LITTLE talk, and then a narration with a response following the reading.
I have seen countless students engage with ideas that adults would otherwise think too lofty for young minds. Indeed, the group gathered for this specific training had different ideas brought out than those that had struck me in my preparation.
*Pages discussed were from Mason’s Home Education 172-179, 232-234
Advent 2021 - Jesse Tree Week Four
Week of Christmas!
Jesse Tree Week Four
It’s almost here! Our traditions are coming to a beautiful Christmas Day! Our pastor began a series in Hebrews this morning and I am awestruck at the sufficiency of Christ encapsulated in a little babe. My first son was due around Christmas and I remember the joy and expectation and appreciating Mary anew that year and years since. Merry Christmas…almost!
Method of a Lesson in Advent Reading
Charlotte Mason talks about the method of a lesson and I thought I would jot down some thoughts as we have done our Jesse Tree as a family. My children are one and three, so growing in their habit of attention and ability narrate (and not formally asking them to really do it overall). It has been a joy to see my oldest get slightly more accurate in narration and able to laugh with my husband later at the earnest attempts when they border on apostasy.
The general rule is that (not including reading out loud) the teacher/parent is speaking 20% of the time and the children 80%. Keep this in mind and try not to be too “talky,” which is VERY hard!
Well-Chosen Text
I have gone with the Egermeier’s Children’s Bible for its’ attention to keeping the details of the biblical text and holding to a narrative form. I know others have used the Vos Bible with great success as well. I think many well-loved children’s Bibles often talk down to the child and do not call him up to the beauty of God’s Word. Feel free to contact me if you have other suggestions!
First Little Talk
Shofar? Altar? Tongs? This setup time is to give the children definitions or pronunciations of words they may not know that are imperative to the meaning of the story. I was teaching an older student last week and failed to define “harem,” which distracted from the flow of the reading of the text. It gave me a good chuckle to define it enough but not too much. However, this would have been far less distracting had I given it in my first little talk.
I have a picture of a shofar that I printed out years ago in prepping my Jesse Tree materials. (It may be laminated…) It stays in my binder and I whip it out to remind myself and my children what it looks like. The ornaments themselves also can serve as a first talking point. I tend to underline any words that will be helpful and write in the margins. This helps me to know what to focus on next time I read in a class, or with my family next time.
Reading and Narration
With the little ones I read longer passages, not shorter. This allows them to listen to the progression of the story and give a narration at the end with lots of details upon which to draw. This will likely be oral narration, but I plan to have a drawn narration with my oldest as we read about David this week. Older children can do a written narration to reflect on the text as well. Keep in mind that they do not need to formally narrate younger than six as they will do it “by nature.” My oldest is usually eager to do so regardless.
Second Little Talk/Response
We often talk about God as redeemer and one who keeps His promises. Many accounts can be drawn back to these questions. Keep them open ended and rich for discussion! This is often discussion, but maybe it is a drawing or your family discussed something that could be turned into a service project or handwork!
Advent 2021 - Jesse Tree Week Three
Friends, I just wrote a lengthy blog post on the Method of a Lesson and the Jesse Tree and then it all crashed! I’ll re-write and post later this week, but wanted you to have this week’s texts.
Advent 2021 - Jesse Tree Week Two
I was struck by Chris Tomlin’s words:
What fear we felt in the silent age
Four-hundred years can He be found
But broken by a baby's cry
Rejoice in the hallowed manger ground
Bonhoeffer in his advent reading this week mentioned how Isaiah himself spoke as if he could see the Christ child even though it was seven hundred years until his prophecy would be seen in Jesus. As you read with your families I pray that your heart would be filled with wonder and grateful thoughts of the faithfulness of the saints who went before us.
Jesse Tree Ornaments:
I took Sculpey clay and a cocktail skewer to sketch the symbols for each day on the ornaments, put a hole in the top for a ribbon, and baked them to make our ornaments.
Advent 2021 - Jesse Tree Week One
My family has slowly been growing the tradition of a Jesse Tree. One of my favorite advent traditions that focuses on our need for a Savior is a liturgy we can practice together. This is a simple practice that has many resources if you do a quick search. This list is not like many others I find now and honestly, I don’t remember why I decided to go with it. The benefit is that you walk with your family through man’s need for redemption until redemption comes!
I found a chart a few years ago and can not find it again, thus no credit is given. I have added the passages from Egermeier’s Bible Story Book and will add details as the season progresses. I bought a new Jesse Tree that was much nicer than our last one as it was lost in the move. However, in years past we just put the ornaments on the regular Christmas tree.
I made ornaments with Sculpey clay and a martini pick, but if it’s your first year, start small. I’ll post instructions soon on how I did it, but realized this is a little late in coming and wanted to get it up. Blessings on your time celebrating as a family!
Decisions
Originally written September 2021
So many are dealing with decision: to home educate, explore public school, trust private school. I want to take a moment to encourage anyone faced with this that of course, you are not alone and your children will thrive if you choose to keep them home. Think about it: an intentional decision to spend more time with them and be their primary source for joy and learning. My dad said it best when they decided to pull us from our private school: “we can’t ruin them in a semester! — and if we do we can always send them somewhere to get fixed!” He wasn’t quite as flippant as it sounds, but there is a grain of truth there.
It has been my delight to speak with several mothers in the past weeks faced with the decision of what to do with school as a result of new public and private school mandates. The school for which I serve on the board has had their own in-depth conversations as we seek for what is best for the students. Everything can seem so high-stakes, and it is truly a heavy decision. However, I believe in the ability of parents to educate their children. Not giving their most precious responsibility over to the authority of others with questionable motives is a courageous move. I encourage those making the decision to homeschool to move forward and not question, but spend these last weeks in preparation to balance structure with freedom, discipline with inspiration.
The Play Date
The Play Date
Originally written 23 June 2021
When I was single it was about finding friends you liked and liked you. When I was dating and newly married, I realized that the ideal was that we BOTH would like BOTH of another couple. Now that our family has grown to include children, the odds of finding people who are an ease to spend time with is greatly more complex. There is a balance between being too insular and also too welcoming. I know for myself I spent over a decade teaching and only realized the full breadth of the effect children have on one another when I became a mother.
I had a friend whom I enjoyed, but X was always a fright after being with her children. X used to have behavioral setbacks for about a day after we were with them – whiny, disobedient, etc. I try to encourage mom-only coffee dates. When we do get together I talk to X beforehand and point out specific things that her children may do that he may not do. I just say “friends have things they are working on just like you, but we know the right thing to do and that’s what I expect.” We had a bit of a rough patch, but he seems to rebound pretty well when we get together with them now. Honestly, all my other friends (“all” being 2-3 of them) share the same parenting values and that’s why we’re friends.
This is not to say that we keep the circle small or small forever, but having the “first little talk” before going into a social situation when they are young and weak has given a chance to set expectations for during and after. Not putting himself above someone else is also hard to do in this kind of situation. At three I asked him, “what are some things you are working on?” and he knew exactly what I meant and was able to name three things. I was surprised, but relieved. In calling him up to habit, I try to also call him up to compassion. While not perfect in execution, we are both growing in our understanding of navigating these social situations. We have recently moved to a wooded area and I know I can’t keep him in a bubble forever, but it’s nice to know that ticks from the forest are generally easier to remove than habits.
The Tantrum
The Tantrum
Originally written May 25, 2021
My friend just had her fourth and her oldest, a five-year-old boy, began having tantrums. His tantrums and fussy responses began and then he lost control when being asked to do something he didn’t like. This frustrating situation for all was the impetus for reaching out and asking “WWCMD?!” (What would Charlotte Mason Do?) This came on the heels of some of my own less than stellar parenting moments, so I had already been thinking about it with my three-year-old, X.
I was recently challenged by a mentor who said “discipline is not what happens after failure, but before.” What am I doing to address the failure instead of just living a reactionary life, which is not only exhausting, but ineffective? Having punitive punishments after the fact can “work” in a behavioral sense, but is rarely relational or getting to the character issue at hand.
I’ve been thinking of what I can do with X to model CM “tact (talking and setting up expectations), watchfulness (catching things before they happen), persistence (not giving a free pass and looking for opportunities to practice the habit, not get out of doing so)”. This young man needs a reset, obviously. Starting with a non-emotional conversation when tensions are not high like can build an alliance with him, “it seems like ___ has been your response. This is not what I expect from a big boy of five. Five year olds are able to peacefully accept no/ obey calmly/etc. What I expect is “yes mamma” and immediate obedience.” In this conversation calling it something simple and direct is helpful that help you refer back like “peaceful obedience.” This setting of expectations is followed by then practicing multiple times. Look for opportunities throughout the day to practice. With X I’ve been having him miss out on things to practice with me, so I think that could be even more effective for an older kid like W. Mason talks about that look of a storm cloud over a child before he responds poorly. I would bet there are some tells that could be identified and point out to him too. Finding successes and pointing those out are an encouragement to both of you. Not a random “good job” (another post on this later), but a sincere check-in asking him to self-assess. “How do you think you’ve done today with peaceful obedience?”
Looking for times of day or other things going on at the root. Is he wanting more one-on-one time with you? Is it nutrition related (like did he have sugar overload at the grandparents or didn’t have protein for lunch)? Is your husband busy or traveling? etc. Identifying some of those don’t give excuses, but may help to have a conversation with him and teach him to be self aware and have some extra quality time, eat something different, etc.
These suggestions have yet to play out in the life of my friend and her son, but I have noticed a difference in our home life already just thinking about what to do BEFORE failure. Setting the expectations simply has not only helped our X, but also boils it down for me to be able to pinpoint what exactly we are working on and working TOWARD.